Ridiculously overpriced drinks, almost inedible food
and terrible service are just a few of the ingredients that make for a close to
disastrous meal at a newly opened Andheri faux Irish pub
By Raul Dias
Picture this. You’re all done with perhaps one of the
worst meals of your life, during which you constantly rue the fact that you’ve
wasted precious time you’ll never regain. You hand over your card to be swiped with
a mighty sigh. The machine chimes in a cheery “payment accepted” beep, as does a
phone text message from your bank, acknowledging the debit made from your
account. You prepare to leave, but are accosted by the waitstaff and manger, claiming
that their machine is faulty and rudely insisting that you cannot leave the
premises till you to make another payment of the same amount. Again. Now!
But first, a little back story. Our tale of horrors at the newly opened G77 Club and Kitchen at the Goldfinch Hotel in Andheri’s industrial estate-saturated MIDC area actually begins at the entrance of the still-under-renovation lobby area. Not a soul knows what G77 is. On further probing, they suddenly realise that it’s the new name for the erstwhile Café Mojo and usher us towards the stairwell, where we begin our trek up two flights of stairs, almost tripping over puddles of wet concrete and loose floor tiles.
The restopub itself isn’t bad looking at all. In fact, it looks like any other faux Irish pub with wood panelled walls decorated with dart boards, beer posters and other pub-centric paraphernalia. Certainly not the kind of place where you’d expect a bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne to set you back by a jaw-dropping Rs 40,000. Yet, that’s exactly what you see on the cardboard menu, along with other shockers like a cocktail called finish me off for Rs 800 a pop (pun unintended!). Our cloyingly sweet fruit punch (Rs 375), a medley of orange-pineapple-mango and pouring cream is downright unpalatable and is at once cast aside.
Served in a shovel, one of our main courses—the super bland Arabic samak harra grilled fish (basa) with fries (Rs 375) arrives a good half hour before our appetisers! The latter being a quartet of bhaji in pav cones (Rs 160) that sees an overly salty veg bhaji stuffed into stale, dry bread cones. The BBQ buffalo chicken wings (Rs 300), accompanied by a spicy cheese dip fare a wee bit better, thanks to the smoky sauce that coats the generously plump wings. The stodgy and boring basa shows up once again in the soggy fish-n-chips with a pesto tartare (Rs 400).
Far from satiated, we call for a thin crust pizza corn funghi (Rs 250) and are at once put off with a measly, six-inch thick based doughy pie topped with baby corn, watery sautéed mushroom and a coating of cold, processed cheese. For dessert, the same old dry pav cones show up in the Caribbean puff scones (Rs 175), stuffed this time with a crunchy, underdone gajar halwa with a squirt of rancid whipped cream stepping in for the promised ‘Malibu cream’. Nothing remotely Caribbean or scone-like this one.
We’d simply have got to be masochists to return to a nightmare called G77. And that’s putting it mildly.
But first, a little back story. Our tale of horrors at the newly opened G77 Club and Kitchen at the Goldfinch Hotel in Andheri’s industrial estate-saturated MIDC area actually begins at the entrance of the still-under-renovation lobby area. Not a soul knows what G77 is. On further probing, they suddenly realise that it’s the new name for the erstwhile Café Mojo and usher us towards the stairwell, where we begin our trek up two flights of stairs, almost tripping over puddles of wet concrete and loose floor tiles.
The restopub itself isn’t bad looking at all. In fact, it looks like any other faux Irish pub with wood panelled walls decorated with dart boards, beer posters and other pub-centric paraphernalia. Certainly not the kind of place where you’d expect a bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne to set you back by a jaw-dropping Rs 40,000. Yet, that’s exactly what you see on the cardboard menu, along with other shockers like a cocktail called finish me off for Rs 800 a pop (pun unintended!). Our cloyingly sweet fruit punch (Rs 375), a medley of orange-pineapple-mango and pouring cream is downright unpalatable and is at once cast aside.
Served in a shovel, one of our main courses—the super bland Arabic samak harra grilled fish (basa) with fries (Rs 375) arrives a good half hour before our appetisers! The latter being a quartet of bhaji in pav cones (Rs 160) that sees an overly salty veg bhaji stuffed into stale, dry bread cones. The BBQ buffalo chicken wings (Rs 300), accompanied by a spicy cheese dip fare a wee bit better, thanks to the smoky sauce that coats the generously plump wings. The stodgy and boring basa shows up once again in the soggy fish-n-chips with a pesto tartare (Rs 400).
Far from satiated, we call for a thin crust pizza corn funghi (Rs 250) and are at once put off with a measly, six-inch thick based doughy pie topped with baby corn, watery sautéed mushroom and a coating of cold, processed cheese. For dessert, the same old dry pav cones show up in the Caribbean puff scones (Rs 175), stuffed this time with a crunchy, underdone gajar halwa with a squirt of rancid whipped cream stepping in for the promised ‘Malibu cream’. Nothing remotely Caribbean or scone-like this one.
We’d simply have got to be masochists to return to a nightmare called G77. And that’s putting it mildly.
TIME:
12pm to 1.30am
AT: Goldfinch Hotel, 34/21, Central Road, Near Akruti Centre Point, MIDC, Andheri East.
CALL: 66880909/8691055872
AT: Goldfinch Hotel, 34/21, Central Road, Near Akruti Centre Point, MIDC, Andheri East.
CALL: 66880909/8691055872
(An edited version of this review appeared in the 9th January 2018 issue of the Mid-Day newspaper, India https://www.mid-day.com/articles/mumbai-food-why-this-new-andheri-faux-irish-pub-fails-to-impress/18910165)
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